Hi all --

It's here . . . . Fall and the start of "breathing weather"! Must say, as happy as I am that summer is over (can you tell I'm not a summer person?) it sure has been a beautiful one.

A couple of days ago I got an email from someone asking me to write an article about guilt. When I emailed back that I have written an article on guilt, she replied "then please write another one because I still feel guilty!!" When I went back and read the previous article (Who's Loving You? February '08), I realized that I wrote about guilt, but not how to alleviate it, so this month's article has some suggestions on how to lessen some caregiver guilt.

But before you read on, I have 2 important announcements . . .

First -- Do you want your eldercare issues resolved before the holidays? Then you will be very happy to know that the next 8-week How To Be Your Own Generational Coach Boot Camp will start on Wednesday, October 1st. This could be just the solution you're looking for to make it a great New Year. For lots more information and to sign up, please click here.

And second, the AgeWiseLiving no-charge teleseminars are now available on iTunes. Just go to iTunes and search for AgeWiseLiving or Barbara Friesner and subscribe to my feed. If you subscribe to the feed, you will automatically get all new podcasts when you sync your device with iTunes. I'm not entirely sure what that means but I do know it makes listening to these great teleseminars even more convenient! Enjoy!

WITH OVER 150 PAGES, the Ultimate Caregiver's Survival Guide -- The step by step blueprint for resolving your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis is a complete, step-by-step, do-it-yourself guide.

It includes all the necessary elements -- worksheets, checklists, examples, instructions, and tips so you can successfully address the whole spectrum of eldercare issues -- including sibling issues so you can resolve your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis.

If you were waiting to order this vital resource until the new title was announced, good move because . . . .

The 1st 100 people to order The Ultimate Caregiver's Survival Guide will also get the 3-CD set of The AgeWiseLiving Expert Series. So in addition to getting the step-by-step blueprint for resolving your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis, you'll also get important information about how to work with an elder law attorney, a personal financial planner, and a relationship expert.

If you're waiting for a better time - don't! 

There is no better time!

For more information and to purchase your copy, please click here.

ARTICLE: OY THE GUILT ALREADY

Are you giving everything you've got and then some to be a caregiver for an aging loved one and still feeling guilty that you're not doing more? If so, welcome to the club!! Not a club you want to be a member of? Then here are some suggestions that will help you out.

Are you feeling guilty because you don't think you're doing enough? Then start by defining "enough". Is once a week enough? Once a day? Every moment you aren't doing something for everyone else? Step back and determine what you personally can reasonably do. For example: "I can visit Mom every other week or 2 times a month."

Then, if Mom needs someone to visit more than that, figure out who can make the additional visits. Remember, caring for your aging loved one doesn't mean you have to be the one doing the actual caregiving. It can mean that you arrange for care to be provided. Perhaps it can be one or more of your siblings or it might be outside help. Set limits that work for you, get agreement from those involved, and then stick to the plan. This way, if you visit the two times you agreed to, you can be guilt-free the rest of the month.

Are you feeling guilty because you're comparing what you're doing with what others are doing? OK -- maybe you're not doing what you see others do. But for every person you're doing "less than" there is at least one person that you're doing "more than." Other people's lives and circumstances are different. You don't know their story so it's counterproductive to compare yourself to only the part you see.

Ask yourself if the time you're putting in is quality time. Does your time and attention provide what you want and need to provide? If so, then pat yourself on the back for what you're doing. You deserve it!

Are you feeling guilty because you are not doing what you "should"? First define "should." I mean. . . who says you "should" anyway? Well . . . just about everyone actually!! Parents with their generational expectations (especially of their daughters); siblings (better you than me, sis!!); and all the generations of cultural, religious, and societal expectations. And the media just reinforces the "should's" with a constant bombardment of pictures of smiling parents with their smiling adult children doing just fine, thank you very much!

"Should's" come from all the expectations we grew up with and see around us. Some "should's" are true, like eating right and exercising. But how about all that other stuff you "should" do, like how often you should visit your father or how often you should call your mother or that you should put everyone else's needs before your own.

To counter this one, start listening to your own "self-talk." Hear how often you hear yourself say you're doing something because you want to versus you're doing it because you should. Then make a conscious decision to evaluate and ideally, delete the "should" activities. As someone told me once -- don't "should" on yourself!

I hope this helps alleviate some of your guilt and gets you out of the "guilt club." If it doesn't? I will feel totally guilty!!!

Upcoming Seminars

AgeWiseLiving NO-CHARGE TELESEMINAR

PAYING FOR LONG TERM CARE
WEDNESDAY, September 10th, 2008
7:00 to 8:00p EASTERN TIME
To join this FREE teleseminar, at 7p just call:
(269) 320-8400 ~ Conference Code: 742785#

Upcoming Live Seminars

For information about how to attend an AgeWiseLiving seminar and upcoming dates and locations, please go to Seminars.