There are a lot of conversations to be had between seniors and their families.  Some of them are of the more practical nature.  Others are because you want to connect as family. 

There are probably a lot of good reasons why you and your aging loved one don't talk.

	We're in different cities and it's hard to talk - let alone about difficult subjects - on the phone.
	We're not all that close.
	Our conversations always end in an argument.
	I'm a daughter and my father won't talk to me about finances.
	My parents are healthy and very independent so they don't want to talk with any of us kids about their plans.
	My mother is on Social Security so what's the point of talking?
	If I talk with my mother about sticky issues, I'll have to do all the work.
	My mother gets upset when I bring up anything "uncomfortable."
	My mom thinks if she even thinks about advanced planning she will die.
	I really don't think my mother trusts me.
	No matter what I ask, my father says it's none of my business.
	My mother listens, agrees with everything I say, and then when I say it's time to do it, she says she has no idea what I'm talking about! But I know she does because I hear her talking with her friends.

These may well be true for you too but the reasons you should talk far outweigh the reasons not to.

You may well have tried and failed but that can't be the reason you stop trying!

As a member of the AgeWiseLiving family, you probably know that I became a Generational Coach as a result of being a care manager for almost 25 years -- first for grandmother for many years and, for the past 16 years, for mother who now has very advanced dementia.

It was always easy to work with my grandmother because we were very close. Even if she didn't agree, she always trusted my judgment and we could always talk.

With my mother, however, it wasn't easy at all because, to be honest, we weren't all that close. However, initially my mother was thankful for my help -- especially with her finances. (Like many women of her generation, my father handled all the finances.)

As time went on and I had to get more involved, it got more and more difficult to get her to cooperate -- especially with issues she didn't want to discuss such as getting her to stop driving and moving her into an assisted living community.

Soon I discovered that finding the answers and getting someone else to do what needs to be done were 2 very different things!

The good news, however, is that communicating with your aging parents is really not that hard once you break the code!

There are 3 parts to the code -- all of which are equally important.

The first part is the GENERATIONAL ISSUES

A man once wrote me: "You know that book Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus? Well, men may be from Mars and women may be from Venus but sometimes I think my parents are from an alternate universe!"

What I discovered is that many times it is like we're speaking another language -- not because we're from an alternate universe, of course, but because we're from opposite generations.

Let's start with your aging loved ones.

This group is often referred to as the "Depression-era" generation because the Great Depression had such a profound impact on them. However, if you think of them only in terms of the Great Depression, you miss perhaps the most important keys to figuring them out.

Whether you're a senior, Baby Boomer -- or any other generation -- all of us are the product of what we were taught and experienced during our formative years (from birth until about 10). And when we look at those shared experiences as a group, we can see a pattern for who we are today and how we act -- or react -- to the things that happen in our lives.

For our elderly parents, their formative years were from the Victorian Era. Some of the primary characteristics include:

	VERY PRIVATE They don't discuss personal things -- especially not about money or health -- with outsiders (even professionals) or family and especially not with their children
	VERY PROUD They don't ask for help, acknowledge their need for help, and usually don't accept it graciously.
	VERY STRICTLY DEFINED MALE/FEMALE ROLES The men were the breadwinners. Their job was to work and support family. The women were the homemakers and caregivers and their job was to take care of the house and raise the children.
	DIDN'T QUESTION AUTHORITY They believed that, to create change, they should work within the system -- and believed in the system.
	EVOLUTIONARIES They tend to move very slowly. Even though they were adults when the Great Depression hit, the Great Depression was so profound, it also defined them.
	MONEY IS IMPORTANT & REPRESENTS INDEPENDENCE AND CONTROL They don't want to take any chances with it and don't want to lose control over it.

Up to now, my focus has been on the Vicky-D's generational issues but when we want -- and need -- to work together, the Baby Boomer's generational issues play a part, too.

Baby Boomers, on the other hand, were born into a time of extraordinary change. This Included:

	UNPRECEDENTED PROSPERITY We never really knew a very bad economy
	THIS WAS A TIME OF ENORMOUS SOCIAL CHANGE The start of the Environmental Movement The beginning of the Sexual Revolution ("Women's   Liberation") The Civil Rights Movement and the enforcement of the laws The Viet Nam War and the Anti-War movement Increasing defiance toward the government
	REVOLUTIONARIES We believed that if we want change, we have to make it happen ourselves, and we are very impatient . . . when we want change, we want it now!

Where our parent's lives were dependable and predictable, the Baby Boomer's early years were defined by enormous - some would say revolutionalr - change.

As a result, Baby Boomers and their aging parents are generational opposites.

This also shows us that neither generation behaves the way they do just to be ornery -- both generations are the way they are for very legitimate reasons -- because of generational experiences, it is fundamentally who we are and, therefore, how we act -- or react -- to what happens in our lives.

This is also important because, while we can learn to be different, when we're stressed, anxious, emotional -- what we learned in our formative years -- WILL ALWAYS BE OUR FALL-BACK POSITION.

The 2nd leg of the stool are the EMOTIONAL ISSUES
which also have a huge impact!

I'm sure I don't have to tell you, this is a very difficult, stressful, and emotional time for everyone.

Some of the stresses Vicky-D's are facing include:

	Major life issues like old age, declining health, and death
	Fear of being without money, destitute, and/or homeless
	Fear of losing control & independence
	Fear of dependency -- or not having anyone to depend on

Some of the stresses Baby Boomers are facing include:

	That our parents are aging
	Fear of our parent's dependency on us!
	Worried about getting and paying for our parent's care
	Overwhelmed Sandwich generation (parents, children) Work responsibilities Financial responsibilities
	Anger -- At our parents At siblings At "the system" (the government)
	Guilt that we feel the way we do

Emotions reinforce and amplify our core values and generational attitudes -- who each of us is on a basic, fundamental level. While we can learn to be different, when we're caught up in an emotional situation, our generational attitudes and values are always our fall-back position. For example, someone who has learned to be more open to discussing personal things such as money and health, may withdraw and be guarded or secretive when emotional; someone who has learned to be more comfortable spending money, may revert to obsessive penny-pinching when emotional; and similarly, someone who has learned to be more laid back, when emotional can be very forceful and impatient.

So you can see, when you need to talk -- ad you need to talk now - opposing generational characteristics whipped up into an emotional frenzy can make confersation difficult at best.  (For example, you can imagine how difficult it is when someone with a "let's just get this show on the road" approach wants to talk about emotional topics with someone with a "slow and steady wins the race" approach!!)

At a time when these 2 generations need to work together the most -- when stressed (and therefore, emotional) rather than get closer, the generations often end up further apart.

When you look at what the Vicky-D's are going through -- they are, for all intents and purposes -- "anticipatory grieving" or what I call "Pre-grieving."

During an emotional time such as this -- especially if facing a crisis -- there are a lot of decisions to be made but the ability to make them can -- and usually is -- greatly affected -- leaving them unwilling and/or unable to make decisions.

Adult children who try to help their aging loved one but when they try often find themselves crashing into a wall of resistance, and/or emotions that are dramatically more volatile than you would think the situation would warrant. At that point, many will just drop it until there's a crisis. Unfortunately, if we don't talk now, it may well be a crisis.

To avoid that, it's important to understand, accept and respect what your aging loved one is going through emotionally -- what I call "Pre-grieving" (based on Elizabeth Kubler Ross' model of "Stages of Grief").

Stage 1: Shock and Denial
Denial is a way people protect themselves. When shocked by something that has happened -- or may happen, denial keeps them from having to face the emotional pain. Those who try to get involved at this stage, often find themselves crashing into a wall of resistance.

Stage 2: Anger
Some degree of anger is a common -- even necessary -- part of the grieving process because it relieves some of the emotional pressure -- and is a way to hide the fear they may be feeling. It's difficult to make decisions at this point because all the focus and energy is put into the emotion rather than problem solving.

Stage 3: Depression and Detachment
This is a difficult and sensitive stage. The "pre-griever" is pulling back and, depending on your relationship and how well the previous stage went, it would be understandable if you wanted to pull back, too!

Stage 4: Dialogue and Bargaining
While they may be more willing to discuss and explore alternatives, at this stage they are still struggling to retain or regain some sense of independence and control. Most likely, they haven't fully accepted the inevitable, so don't be surprised if they're not ready to make a final decision.

Stage 5: Acceptance
At this stage, they have accepted the "loss" and are able to see and accept the change and make decisions!!!!

Some people will say that a person who isn't progressing through these 5 stages in order and in a timely manner needs professional help. However, while these steps are generally true, pre-grieving is an individual process that cannot -- and should not -- be forced. Everyone is different.

Which brings us to the 3rd leg of the stool -- the PERSONAL ISSUES

THIS IS THE CRITICAL PIECE!

Remember those reasons why you and your aging loved one haven't talked that we looked at in the beginning?  Those are reasons why you haven't talked yet -- not why you can't talk.

As valid as those reasons may have been, things have changed suddenly and dramatically and now you have to talk -- and you can!

I've spent a lot of time over the past 8 years talking about the generational differences and about the impact of emotions on our aging loved one's ability to work with their adult children and make good decisions. But for obvious reasons, I couldn't write about who your aging loved one is as an individual because, as I said before, every single person is different.

Knowing where your aging loved one is coming from generationally and emotionally is important. But those are only 2 legs of the stool. The third leg -- and the key to your success -- is knowing who your aging loved one is as an individual -- their own unique history and personality.

Why is this so important?

It's important because we all experience life differently. I have 2 sisters. We are each of us 2 years apart so how we experienced the same situation should be very similar. Not so! Each of us experienced the same situations entirely differently. In fact, sometimes I wonder if we even grew up in the same family!

The same holds true as we look at how each of us experienced even major generational experiences (such as the Great Depression for your aging loved one).   That's because what is true for most is not true for all. Other factors -- such as region of country (whether they grew up in the North, South, East, or West), birth order, city or country, economic status -- will have an impact.

But the biggest impact of all will come from knowing who your aging loved one is as an individual -- their individual experiences and their unique personality.  In fact, it will completely change the equation -- and is critical to successfully working with them.

“They’re my parents – of course I know who they are!”

You may know the facts of who they are but the key is to interpret the facts and then put the facts together with how that impacts them on an emotional level (as well as how your experiences effect you on an emotional level).

The problem is, when you try to talk with an emotional person, communication breaks down or blows up!

When you’re frustrated, perhaps your family and friends say “don’t get so emotional”.  Perhaps you've even said this to your parents when the conversation got emotional.  Sure . . . easy to say but hard to do!

So what do you do?  To successfully talk with your parents, you must get above the emotion.  And, you must help your aging parents get above the emotion. 

How? 

By understanding and respecting where both of you are coming from generationally, emotionally, and as individuals. 

By adapting your communication style to theirs (after all, you’re the one that wants to talk!

And by presenting the issue in such a way that your aging loved one can see that the right decision is in their best interest.

Some of you will be able to do this.  Perhaps you already have opened the lines of communication and are able to have serious, calm discussions. 

But many of you may not have that kind of relationship.  So now, when you must talk about difficult and emotional topics, you don’t know how or where to start.

GETTING ABOVE THE EMOTION -- THEIRS & YOURS -- IS WHAT I WILL HELP YOU DO!

In addition to 5 "Golden Key" seminars (which I'll tell you about in a minute), I will send you 4 simple questions, and, based on your answers, I will give you information about who your aging loved one is as a unique individual and I will give you very specific suggestions on how to approach your aging loved one in a clear, concise, unemotional way that will enable you to calmly and unemotionally find and implement good solutions. 

When I do this evaluation with my Generational Coaching clients, every single one of them says “OMG, that’s so obvious.  Why didn’t I think of that!!!”

Why didn’t they think of that? 

Probably because they were too close to it – so emotionally involved that they couldn’t see the forest for the trees.   

Some of you may be able to see the trees.  But I’m guessing you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t concerned – possibly even tried and failed. 

But since I’m not emotionally involved, I can see the trees – and all the markings – AND I KNOW HOW TO INTERPRET THOSE MARKINGS. 

Because there is now an urgency to successfully talking with your aging loved one, I have put together a program called "LifeTalks" program .

I want to share this wonderful success story with you:

We all have enough "stuff" going on . . . enough "drama" to last us a lifetime!

I want you to be successful, so I will give you all the information you need, in the easiest to use format, in the shortest amount of time, and in the most cost effective way.

So I boiled down everything I do in my private Generational Coaching practice and everything I do in my 8-week "How To Be Your Own Generational Coach" "boot camp" and created the

"LifeTalks" program.

You can start talking with your aging loved ones NOW -- and I'll teach you how!

When you sign up for the LifeTalks program

you will get:

4.  ONE 1-Hour Generational Coaching session with me so you can learn how to apply what we've learned to your individual issues. During this PRIVATE is a 1-on-1 PRIVATE Generational Coaching session you will determine the best solutions to your specific issues learn who your aging loved one is as a unique individual receive the specific recommentations and learn hot to apply them as you introduce the conversations and help them come up and embrace the resolutions you need   5.  UNLIMITED (Yes . . . Unlimited!) access to the AgeWiseLiving 90-minute group Q & A Generational Coaching Sessions so you can get your questions answered and listen to and benefit from the questions and answers of others. These 90-minute group Q&A Generational Coaching sessions will be held twice a month and you can join in as often as you want for as long as you want!

Because I know what you're going through, I want to help you get the results you need right now.

So don't worry . . . You can get started the minute you sign up! 

With the "LifeTalks" program you'll get . . .
	FIVE "Golden Key" Seminars
	An In-Depth Evaluation of who your own aging loved one is as a unique individual.
	Specific Recommendations for communicating with your unique aging loved one(s)
	ONE 1-Hour Generational Coaching session with me
	UNLIMITED (Yes . . . Unlimited!) access to the AgeWiseLiving 90-minute group Q & A Generational Coaching Sessions
	Membership in an exclusive Online Support Group
	Additional 1-on-1 Generational Coaching sessions available
	Discounts on all AgeWiseLiving products

OK . . . sounds great! How do I join the
"LifeTalks" program ?

BEST DEAL	2 "EZ" INSTALLMENTS
$297	$160 each; billed 30 days apart

You will save money when you make just 1 payment of $297 but I want to make sure you are able to start now so I'm also offering this program in 2 "EZ" installments.

Start Resolving Your Eldercare Issues By Choice, Not Crisis NOW!

Register today by clicking one of the buttons below.

YES, I WANT TO REGISTER SO I CAN START MY LifeTalks NOW!

ONE PAYMENT OF $297 (BEST DEAL)

2 "EZ" INSTALLMENT PAYMENTS of $160 each (billed 30 days apart)